Vibes And Pressure

We all have a few things that we love 2 h8, and if we were 2 b truly revealing, things that we h8 2 love. Not that I an’ I wants 2 tell u abt love, as there r so many giants who can speak on this, bt there r just some things that just slip in there, and 4ever remain. Things like that fam member who just rolls up in yr life and always leaves u just a bit worse off than when they arrived, the double choc cake that calls yr name whenever u walk past it, Barry Manilow songs yr moms used 2 make u listen 2 (come on now, y’all kno “pina coladas” is a classic!). Ting is, even tho we associate these tings with negativity, or with things and times that weren’t always the best, the love is still there, so we don’t ever really let dem go.

4 me, it’s that N word. Yeah… I kno, right?

Nigger. That word we all love 2 h8, more revealing that the Emperor’s new clothes, more explosive than semtex, more welcoming than an embrace. Yet there r other words, words that denote the same thing; jiggaboo, jungle bunny, coon, spade, wog, spear chucker… only thing is tho, they don’t. Not really. Don’t get it twisted, each of those is offensive, bt THAT word, it says so much more.

I was checking out the opium box recently, and there was a man on there, well established in the skism, revered and almost beyond reproach. So dude was doing his thing, being the voice of moderation, balancing out the opinions of others, and facilitating a bunch of heads 2 bathe themselves in their intellectual understandings and give themselves props. Now they were discussing how 1 of the immigrants who had been given the opportunity 2 step thru the glass ceiling and got 2 b celebrated had misbehaved and stepped out of line, made even worse by the fact that not only had this happened b4, bt that no 1 had reminded them of their place. All well and good. Bt den it descended n2 a bit of he said/she said, an’ in the midst of this reh reh the dude, showing his sensitivity and understanding of issues made a point of questioning the existence of certain hypocrisies by saying that referring 2 some1 as white isn’t the same as saying the N word. Only dude didn’t say “the N word”. Dude said Nigger.

U kno, I get it, he was using the word in the context of its significance, and there was no hint of either an expression of bias or intent.

Yet it still pulled me up. I immediately scanned my memory of the last few minutes. Was there some underlying prejudice, was the dude, or indeed the broadcaster trying 2 pull a ting (happens all the time), or was it just a power move, like “if I can intellectualise a term and concept (tho it mayb a vessel of h8) and refer 2 it dispassionately as a point of reference… then in the company of intelligent people there shd b no issue”. Bt I wasn’t feeling that, feel me? My 1st reaction 2 this was “did dude really just… no... What?... no… what exactly… really??... How dare he!”

Anyhoo, the moment passed, and I allowed myself 2 b engrossed in the subject matter at hand. Bt still, it kinda stuck with me 4 a time, and not just the moment itself, bt my reaction 2 it. As far as I cld tell it was just an intellectual exercise and dat was dat; no harm, no foul. So why did it bother me? We all value free speech, and if we all felt freer 2 spk our minds, we’d probably b more evolved as a collective, if not a society (even if there is no such ting as some heads believe). Dude shd b able 2 say whatever. It just felt wrong, square peg ting, unnatural, like sheep going “moo!”, and…..invasive, like some1 all up in yr home uninvited, opening up stuff they have no business getting into… a violation. Just like that, like this is yrs 2 take and use as u feel.

Hold up! Even as I came 2 this realisation, I had 2 question it. Not yrs?? So is it mine? So what now, I’ma take ownership of “nigger”? This is crazy, with all the connotations that r implied with THIS word, it’s mine..?

So I start 2 think back, think of my moms telling me how, as a girl, a shopkeeper spat on a piece of fish she bought when he thought she wasn’t looking, how my uncles an’ cousins an’ dem had 2 kick off club doors back in the day, just so they cld have a gd time in an orderly fashion, my brother as a young child wld visit his white friend up the road, and his dad wld announce “yr little nigger friend is here 2 play”. I thought abt how this word, this 1 word, had its origins, a word that was used 2 dehumanise and bedevil men and women, and in doing so disempower them of the most basic of rights afforded 2 any individual. Most importantly, how this idea gave rise 2 self h8, and that said individuals r, by the natural order, less deserving, and r of less worth. Don’t doubt it 4 a second, Nigger, at its root origin, is an idea, a concept, an ideology and a lifestyle choice.

Yeah, I hear u, “yo, Corrd, wha’ u mean lifestyle choice?? What u sayin’, dat a man choose dat??” Well, yeah. Don’t flip now, bt here’s where it’s at. The idea was dat some of us r superior, others beneath, inferior, subservient. Now, that’s cool if u r in the superior category, bt what if the others (an’ bear in mind that we all need “others” 2 reassure us of our values, our status, our righteousness) don’t quite get that, well then u need 2 conceptualise this, an’ reinforce that conceptualisation, so every1 kno’s who is who. I cld spk on this in extreme depth, bt there r so many learned heads who have done so, an’ whereas I an’ I may differ in opinion on certain tings, my perspective may b no more valid. Look it up if u don’t already kno. The bottom line is that the concept needed 2 b spread, preached an’ forcibly ingrained so as 2 take root. In fact, the whole skizm had 2 b geared in this way so that moving 4ward there is a comprehensive vision, a world view, an ideology. When this is put 2 those who r already classed as 3/5ths of a human being, as well as preached 2 them as being the Holy an’ natural order, then if yr thinking is 2 do what is right, the social ideal, what is after all only Holy and natural, then 4 them NOT choose that life is 2 go against everything as it is, the whole system, an’ we all kno how dat game ends. So those of us in the superior category offer a narrow choice. Chose the path laid out 4 u, or die trying (whilst watching yr loved 1’s also suffer an’/or die). No need 2 bitch tho, still had a choice.

So time moves on and slavery ends, yet the nigger ideology, and all that comes with it, still prevails. It adapts and finds new methods of manifestation. We all kno how dat goes. Restrictive legislation, mores an’ taboos in place, white sheeted peeps, fiery crosses, closed communities, all under the guidance of us in the superior category. Many in the inferior category even choose 2 stand and fight 4 the skism, 2 b soldiers in wartime conflicts, both in civil disputes and worldwide, yet at the end of these wars there was no just compensation, or even the slightest recognition. As brother Malcolm said, 1 man puts a noose around the other man’s neck, both shouting out 2 Heaven, and the man with the noose around his neck wonders why no1 answers his prayer. Funny story.

Dr Carter G Woodson dropped the science like so, "if you can control a man’s thinking, you don’t have to worry about his actions. If you can determine what a man thinks you do not have worry about what he will do. If you can make a man believe that he is inferior, you don’t have to compel him to seek an inferior status, he will do so without being told and if you can make a man believe that he is justly an outcast, you don’t have to order him to the back door, he will go to the back door on his own and if there is no back door, the very nature of the man will demand that you build one.”

Things an' times keep moving, and all kinds of upheaval take place. There r movements 4 social justice, civil rights, suffragettes, nuff upheaval, an’ the ideology keeps doing what it does best. Now we have peeps in both categories so entrenched, that the very idea of choice seems like some dim reality. The vibrancy of youth is a beautiful spectacle 2 behold, as it pushes an’ presses an’ bucks against the status quo in its uniquely infectious way.

So many things change, bt we all still have the word. That word. Bt, here’s something really funny. Those in the lesser category, they found that they could take the ideology, break the concept, and redefine the word. Nigga!! Indeed fam, take a term of h8, of disenfranchisement, of self-loathing, of debasement, an’ flip dat, use it 2 express a shared understanding, experience, even camaraderie, not so as 2 hold on 2 the definitions of those who r lesser somehow, bt as a bonding of peoples having gone thru gr8 tribulations, a reminder of what was, a guide 2 a higher reality an’ a warning 4 the continued struggle.

That’s not 2 say dat the positive cancels the negative, and the original ideology still holds sway, even in this time of redefinition. In fact many wld say that this redefinition is nothing more than the old ways from the bad old days having a face lift so as 2 recapture and re(mis)educate newer generations. Both views hold some merit. I an’ I recognise the supposed hypocrisy. Bt then isn’t this journey abt sometimes ALL of us embracing our fears, both within and without? How else do we reach out 2 those we’ve vilified, or deal with the villain within?

Nigga.

New ideology? Hmm... Nigga, as both Signifier and Sign. A demonstration of what was and what cld b. Nigga, beyond nigger. Nietzsche’s Übermensch revealed somehow. Now dat’s some blow yr mind/defile yr boxers shit right there. The ultimate evolution. Is that the fear, some planet of the apes type future where the oppressed become oppressors? C, as I an’ I overstand dis ting, Nietzsche’s whole ting was looking at humanity an', coming 2 the conclusion dat our development wld progress without rather than within via our constructs and artifices, the Übermensch or “Overman” (or Superman) wld b the next step of dominant evolution. Bt, this Overman isn't so much the new ruler of the world, or the threat 2 our existence we need 2 b vigilant against, lest only 1 of us can inherit the Earth, some kinda war 4 dominance ting the smoke/mirrors industry try 2 frighten us with. We've seen how the theory can get warped in the hands of a skilled, passionate, intelligent leader... Hitler damn near destroyed the world (scarier still is that some of his opponents weren't adverse 2 his ideas, just his power lust!). Peep this grasshopper, the overman was never some scary mutant here 2 conquer, bt is 1 who moves from the crowd view and finds a new perspective while not needing 2 force it on others, a living testament of the way 4ward, a concept we cld all embrace in this time of realignment (see the blog times r changing). 2 look at how such negatives flower n2 blessings that humanity can all hold on 2 may b a bit wishful, then again...

Bt the word, this word. The love/h8 conflict subsides so that I an’ I am brought bk 2 the dude, an’ yet as I reflect, it still bothers me. I apprecilove the intellectuality, bt some tings r more than just dat. Some tings u feel, u carry, u pay 4 with the sweat of yr brow. As much as I can pree where he’s coming from, an’ whereas it’s not my word, or any1 else’s 4 dat matter, 2 delegate the usage of, I feel that this word, the N word, Nigga, that word, even with the enlightened perspective it may or may not have, this word is still a burden on us, yeah.. u, me, him, her, all. Our history, our journey, our coming 2gether in the 1ness that we all r. Not a burden 2 b laid down and discarded, bt the burden of its own truths, a burden, the right of which has 2 b earned. Not taken. Neither decided on by some intellectual exercise, nor some politricksical pandering. Not bartered, bt earned.

Earned, like the scars our mothers carry 4 birthing us, the war wounds of their labour of love. I can wax lyrical all day abt childbirth, see it up close, try 2 use examples 2 give clarity and definition, paint a scenario 2 explain it all in gr8 detail. Bt as I say the words, I can't spk their truth, so the words r hollow, false, cos I can never kno that ecstasy, pain, responsibility, that burden.

Not all of us can or shd carry this, cos not all of us can spk on this. Bt some of us can try, even if we disagree on how best 2 carry it, until all of us reach that promised land of the Übermensch. Bt then, when we all get there, none of us will b over any1 else, we will just b.

p.l.h.o.


Corrd the Seeker.