I am the face in the mirror that u never want 2 c, I am the man on the dark side of the moon. I am that which u love 2 hate, the road that u tread, the abyss. I am called Scourge, the reflection of yr goodness. The stone the mason rejected.

I am the myth that excited yr fantasies, and the bogey man creeping at the edge of yr nightmares. I was clueless 2 yr civility, let loose in my corner of the world. I served no purpose 2 u, useless, occupying space bt not paying my way. I was a curiosity, something just as u r… bt not, less than… somehow. I was that upon which kingdoms were built, empires forged, the shoulders that yr giants needed 2 stand on.

I was yr fuel, the engine that drove yr success, the unnamed hand, the unknown warrior who won yr wars. I was the discarded armour of your defence, the sword that u beat into a ploughshare. I was the hewer of wood and the drawer of water. I was the heathen in need of yr deliverance. The fact of my existence proved 2 u the goodness of yrs, the truth of my origin revealed the fallacy and baseness of yr own, and even tho my reality made yrs possible, I needed 2 b kept in place, underfoot. I learned 2 b thankful 4 this, reverent, understanding that all this was part of the gr8r whole and assured of yr righteousness. I wanted 2 b u, bt clued 2 the fact that I cld never attain ascension in this life, comforted that my reward awaited me beyond. I was the darkness in u made manifest. My voice screamed yr name, even as I had no name of my own. The savagery with which u showed me what my place and purpose was, that was justified bcos this was the only way 2 bring me yr culture, yr sophistication and yr salvation.

Somehow, I desired more, even when I knew this was a dream unattainable. I knew my place was below yrs, bt questioned why yr blood was as red as mine. The old answers no longer held water, the foundations were found 2 b feet of clay, and the strength of yr words became mud. The strength I gave in yr servitude, the strength that u took 4 yrself, was slowly becoming my own. Yet I was bound in my physicality. I fought and raged, pleaded and reasoned, slowly freeing myself. I had overcome… bt u had other plans 4 me. Whereas 1ce I was broken, all alpha forcibly removed, I became… broke, the physical bounds replaced by the social, economic, the academic.

My miseducation and underdevelopment made me n2 the agent of my destruction, yr despise 4 me comparable only 2 my own self-hate, my fear holding me in my place while my love made me grateful 2 have a place at all. I sought out my status, my caste, my class. I was as nothing, educating my younger self in the art of nothing, yet as I wasted away, my woman strived, becoming superwoman, and did this as she carried twice the burden. The embers smoldered. I craved recognition, marched 4 it, sat 4 it, bled 4 it, was raped 4 it, starved 4 it. Even as I began 2 finally receive it, I tore down those whose light guided me 2 the new path. Yet I was still a prisoner 2 yr grand design, yr guiding hand bcoming ever more subversive. U handed me a new set of tools, and I, still believing in yr love, gladly accepted these gifts. My families imploded, my communities devolved n2 war zones.

Even as I had nowhere left 2 go, u still pushed. I pushed back, with bricks, sticks, slipping on yr spit. I pushed back, with the songs of my ancestors, spiritual songs forged in the night of my soul. I pushed with sounds dark and blue, with the horns of the Bird and the Monk. I slipped in yr spit and stood tall 2 spit rhymes. Beaten, I beat back with nyabinghi and 808’s. Divorced from my tongue, I took yrs and gave voice 2 soul, my darkness shining 2 all hidden corners. I enriched culture, redefined sophistication, gave salvation 2 yr expression. My contribution far outweighed my compensation, yet I’m still not given my recognition. I am that which u relocate with yr gentrification, yet I am still here The refused stone now the cornerstone. The embers lit with broken promises. The dream unattainable now a dream deferred.

I am the face u refuse 2 c, the screaming voice drowning out with yr platitudes. I am the bogeyman manifest, I am love. I am no longer the face in the mirror, I AM THE MIRROR. I am hope, I am faith, I am rage. I am Alpha and Omega. I am a million desolate souls, I am the streets. I am hip hop, I am rock and roll, the scream and the silence. I am the winter of yr discontent, I am the hand and the stone, hurtling 2 the glass house. Generations of breeding made me the superman I am still searching 4. The shine of my darkness will guide us all 2 the light. I am yr deliverance.

I am the hate that hate produced, I am… La Haine.

p.l.h.o.


Corrd the Seeker.